Even the most charmed life has its share of challenges. The high points in your life can be followed by sudden obstacles or setbacks that can rattle your self-confidence and make you critical and insecure about your decisions.
Challenges in our life are hard enough without hang-ups such as the need to be perfect, toxic people, or trying to please other people. If we can look at these challenges as opportunities to learn, grow, and set ourselves free to follow our own paths, we are one step closer to finding that inner peace we all long for. It just takes a little effort and practice to rid yourself of these common hang-ups that can weigh heavily on your life.
The Need to Be Perfect
Nobody is perfect. I spent all of my 20s and half of my 30s striving for perfection. I wanted the perfect career, marriage, body, and life—so all would admire me. It took a trauma, an ongoing battle with an eating disorder, a debilitating illness, and the loss of my childhood best friend to change my incessant need to be perfect. I came to realize that I wasn’t perfect, and never would be. I now accept that I’m the most perfect “imperfect” human being on the planet. One who makes mistakes, has a less than perfect life, but still inspires others through my humanness.
The Need to People Please
Sometimes, people just won’t like you. They won’t like the way you dress or how you talk. These people won’t like your energy, your perky personality, or your dry sense of humor.
Work on accepting that not everyone will like you, no matter how nice you are or how much you try to please him or her.
I grew up in an environment where whoever argued the loudest or got the last word in got to be “right.” It was exhausting. All of those years spent arguing, holding grudges, or trying to bend someone to my point of view were a waste of time. In the end, it didn’t really matter.
We all live from our own perception and in almost every situation, there is no right or wrong. There are just differences in opinions and the way we all see the world.
Beating Yourself Up for Making Mistakes
Mistakes: We all make them. It’s called “being human.” Try to view your mistakes as lessons. If you keep making the same one, you just didn’t get the lesson the first time around. That’s OK. Be gentle and loving with yourself and give yourself another chance to do things differently next time. Eventually, you’ll get it right.
Giving Your Power Away
When you allow someone’s opinion oractions towards you to affect your day, you’re giving away your personal power. You’re allowing another human being to tell you that you aren’t good enough, that you aren’t worthy, or that you aren’t OK just as you are.
Take your power back; and don’t let what others say or their opinions define who you are. You are a divine spiritual being who is having a human experience; which means you are powerful beyond measure.
Anger and Resentment
There is nothing more detrimental to your inner peace than holding onto anger and resentment. It will suck the life out of you. This isn’t about letting the other person off the hook or saying that what he or she did to you is OK. It’s simply learning how to make peace with what happened and move on. Keep in mind, that he who angers you controls you.
It’s difficult to let go of friendships you’ve had for a lifetime or to sever ties with family members who bring out the worst in you. There comes a point when you instinctively know that certain people add so much negativity and drama into your life, that it becomes detrimental to your own inner peace. When a relationship becomes toxic, it may be time to lovingly and diplomatically let the relationship go.
The Need to Control
This applies to other people, situations, or life in general. We aren’t in the driver’s seat. God, a Higher Power, the Universe—whatever you believe in—is in charge. Trust that events are unfolding the way they’re meant to, and release control over the situation. Embrace the unknown. Typically, this is when the greatest gifts and surprises present themselves.
The ego is powerful. It can make you believe everything is about you. It can make you defensive when others criticize. It allows you to mistakenly believe people are mistreating you, when in reality it’s just your own insecurities. It gets severely wounded when a romantic relationship ends in a painful way. Don’t let the ego make decisions for you. Let your highest self do that instead. Your highest self will always make choices based on compassion, patience, and love, which in turn, will bring you peace.
You can’t change it, so stop reliving it. All of it serves a purpose and all of it is part of your spiritual growth. Let go of the past and move forward with hope and grace. You have the present moment and a choice to make it joyful, happy, and full of peace.