The Law of Attraction
Falling in love is an experience of the Divine. When two people become enraptured with each other, they feel ecstasy and the delight of a timeless state of being. Any sense of isolation, pain or anxiety dissolves into bliss. The Sufi poet Rumi expresses it beautifully:
“Lovers share a sacred decree –
to seek the Beloved.
They roll head over heels,
rushing toward the Beautiful One
like a torrent of water.”
Of course, wisdom tells us that the initial euphoria of attraction and infatuation fades away, but that doesn’t diminish its value. Falling in love awakens us to our true unbounded nature. If there are no insurmountable barriers, courtship and intimacy with our beloved will follow, giving us the opportunity to deepen our partnership and experience of spiritual union.
If nothing is more blissful than falling in love, then nothing provokes more fear. As movies and the media inundate us with images of seduction and attraction, many people anxiously search for a romantic relationship. They collectively spend billions of dollars each year on cosmetics, fashion, and plastic surgery in an effort to make themselves more attractive. They’re driven by a fantasy of ideal romance and a fear that they’ll miss out and never be loved at all. Both of these motivations are self-defeating because nothing kills romance faster than fear. Striving to be attractive is another form of desperation, which others will see no matter how hard they try to disguise it.
What Makes Someone Attractive?
If trying to be attractive is futile, what is the secret to drawing romance and love into our lives? The answer is remarkably simple, and is perfectly summarized in an aphorism from the Latin poet Ovid, who said, “To be loved, be lovable.” Lovable people are natural and at ease with themselves. They radiate an authenticity that makes anyone attractive. However, the simplest solution is sometimes the most difficult to achieve. People desperately seek love precisely because they don’t feel lovable. Sadly, many of us have never felt lovable, even as children when we had the fewest conditioned defenses against love and could experience it with the most spontaneous innocence.
If you don’t feel inherently lovable, remember that being lovable isn’t a superficial quality that only some people possess; it is a quality of spirit. Even if your experiences conditioned you to see yourself as worthless or ugly, remember that you are completely lovable because spirit is love. No matter how many negative messages you received as you were growing up, your pure spirit is shining with a love that nothing can tarnish. If being lovable really is the secret to attraction, there’s no need for anxious searching – for that which can never be lost doesn’t need to be found. You can end the whole futile process of trying to be attractive to others, desperately seeking approval, and constantly comparing yourself to an ideal image. The only requirement is a shift in perception. This happens not by changing who you are, but by seeing who you are and letting it radiate forth.
When you are lovable, you are authentic, natural, and comfortable with your own ambiguity. Instead of rejecting or denying your weaknesses or “negative” qualities, you embrace the opposites within yourself. You realize that everyone contains light and shadow. Inside each one of us lies both the divine and the diabolical, the sinner and the saint, the sacred and the profane, forbidden lust and unconditional love, the beatitude of paradise and the dark night of the soul. The play of these opposites is what allows evolutionary growth to occur.
When you're comfortable with your own ambiguity, your inner dialogue won't lead you to act in ways that push love away. You won't be driven by your ego's fears of rejection, isolation, and abandonment – or its desires for control, approval, and security. Knowing that your essential nature is pure love, you will instead feel free to be lavish in your expression of love. You will enthusiastically respond to the gestures of love that come your way. These gestures can take many forms, a smile from a stranger or a child, a twinkle in the eyes of a friend, a warm hand shake, a gentle squeeze, a hug, or a compliment. As you begin to exhibit the full grandeur of your being, your whole life will be a romance and a long love story dedicated to bliss and joy.